he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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