Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
FUCK WHALES
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
