Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
