I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
