This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
