i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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