i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
