Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
