i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
