piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
