the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
