I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
