I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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