i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
