take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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