if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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