I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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