I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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