i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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