OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
