Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
