how can u be prego again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
