im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
