i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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