He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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