Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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