Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
