i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
