I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dignity is for republicans.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
