Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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