I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
