so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
