some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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