can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
