help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
