omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
