hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i love accidental penises.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
