Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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