im drinking this country out of the recession.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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