took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
