fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
