Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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