moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
