I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
