fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
