Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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