I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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