I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
