Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
