Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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