do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
