just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
