Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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