you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
