I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
