If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
