wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
