there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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