It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
