I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
