They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
