You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
