dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
