i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
