My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
