im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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