We're like a lot better than the average bears
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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