This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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