I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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